Strength VS. Muscle: A womans struggle to balance both.

As a female in the fitness world; I hear “I don’t want to get too muscular” or “Lifting weights makes women look too big” too often than not. I was one of those girls. I was a runner; not that being a runner is a bad thing, I just didn’t have the strength training to balance it. The key to fitness isn’t all strength training or all cardiovascular training; it’s balance. This is why flexibility and strength work with each other.

My journey into lifting has been a learning experience. When I was 19 years old, I decided to take a group fitness class and struggled to lift even a light kettlebell. After that, I wanted nothing more than to feel strong. I grew up envying women that were competitive. I wanted that. I started small and worked my way up the ladder.

I remember my first time ever joining a strength training class. I was so nervous and instantly intimidated by everyone. I felt like bambi compared to all of the classmates that already knew what every lift was. I had no clue what a "clean" or "push jerk" was and the mechanics were even more confusing than their names. There were many times I walked away from that strength training class angry at myself; but, luckily I started to develop a mental toughness. This mental grit, and desire to get these movements down, fueled me to get to the class 20 minutes early and stay after. I even found a little weightlifting set and started picking that bar up every time I walked passed it in my living room. Eventually, I started getting the movements on my own time and, when I had to choose an internship for a college class, I walked right into a CrossFit gym.

I never thought I would ever walk into a CrossFit gym. All I thought about was the stigma behind women that weightlifting. I didn’t want to get too muscular or look masculine; but, I wanted to be strong. The stigma taught me that, to feel strong, you had to have bulky muscle. Walking into a CrossFit gym for the first time, I realized I was completely wrong. There are many women at my gym that I look up to, and strive to keep up with. One woman in particular, stood out to me. I learned that she would be my first coach. She was feminine and extremely personable. It was obvious why she was chosen to be the beginner coach; being the first coach you meet when you walk through that intimidating garage door, you need to make people feel comfortable in this new environment. There is one day in particular that I remember best about this woman. We were doing a one repetition max for squat clean. There was a group of men in front of me, sharing a bar with loads of weight on it. I saw them all struggling; but, hitting this lift. It was in that moment that I witnessed my coach walk over to those men, ask to use their bar, and squat clean it like a boss. It was beautiful. This woman was feminine and strong and that is what I strive to be.

Every day, I looked up to these strong women at my gym and I wondered what strong would feel like. Until one day in particular, I was push pressing weight (shoulder to overhead) in the corner of the box with an older gentleman. I witnessed the weight being stacked on the bar and started to get nervous. I told myself that he could lift it; but, I couldn’t. He convinced me to try and I, with loads of struggle, managed to push press the weight he had on that bar. When I finally got my elbows locked out at top, I could hear a woman behind me say “Wow! She’s strong” and for the first time I got to feel exactly how those women, I look up to, felt.  

To this day, whenever someone says to me: “I don’t want to get too muscular.” or “Lifting weight makes women look too big.” I tell them a little about my story. I have always been athletic; but, when I was a runner, I had no strength and very little muscular definition. When I was 19 years old, I couldn’t lift a single kettlebell; now I’m 24 and can overhead push jerk 85 pounds. I look in the mirror and don’t see any unnecessary bulk, I see definition and strength. When you feel strong and confident, you believe in yourself.